3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your destination”. The 1^st guy gave him money and the 2^nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3^rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3^rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked “What was that for?” The 3^rd guy replied, “Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!”

A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care, what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but have the breasts of an 18 year-old.”

The husband replies, “What did he say about your 55 year old ass?”

“Your name never came up”, she replied.